For 2009, the word I chose to focus on was JOY. I wouldn't call it a complete success, but I did try to find more joy in being a wife and mother. As I've been contemplating what it is I want to focus on for 2010, the word I have selected is CONTENT. I waste way too much energy and cause myself way too much stress wanting things to be different- "When I lose 20 pounds...," "When the kids are all in school....," "When the carpet is replaced...," "When I am in good enough shape to do a triathlon...," "When the house is cleaner...," "When I attend the temple every week...," "When those horribly ugly sheds are removed and we have the new workshop built...," "When the kids are old enough to watch themselves at home...," "When I actually get to read a book...," "When I study my scriptures for 30 minutes every day...," "When the basement is remodeled...," ...the list goes on and on.
The other source of my discontent is seeing how much more other women with small children seem to be getting done. Not only just the day to day activities, but major projects. Others seems to have all this time for "extras,"; i.e., volunteering for all kinds of different activities, scrapbooking, photography, writing books, making all kinds of crafts, participating in local government positions, training for triathlons and marathons, etc. I feel like if I do ONE thing other than the very necessities of the day- getting dressed, preparing food, school work, piano practice, laundry, keeping up on the bills- I am stretched beyond my limit. How do people seem to have all this time and energy?!?! I've come to the conclusion my pace is not the same as others. I will never get everything done on my "to do" list that I make each morning. When I'm tired and it's time to go to bed, I'm not going to get all upset about what I didn't get finished. I'm just going to sleep and rest up for the coming day. No master artwork completed. No record-breaking morning run time. No best-seller book written. No election to a government postion.
I am blessed and need to be appreciative of just how incredibly great my life is. I focus too much on how I think things should be and not being grateful for how great they already are. I need to realize life is moving on and it's time to stop wishing I were at a different stage of it.
There is no clean kitchen floor that is better than playing Candy Land ten times in a row. There is no number on the scale more valuable than having Family Home Evening each week. There is no book more enjoyable to read than making cookies with the boys. There is no triathlon more important to participate in than the time spent reading to each of the boys every day. There is no workshop worth more money than the investment we're making in sending our boys to private school for the best education they can receive.
I want to be more content with my life as it is. Not complacent, just more content.
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